Attachment Theory Adult Attachment Theory

What is Emotionally Focused Therapy?

This is one of my favorites. Emotionally focused therapy is a group of approaches to therapy with individuals, couples, or families. EFT approaches include pieces of experiential therapy, systemic therapy, and attachment theory. The central theme of attachment theory is that primary caregivers who are available and responsive to an infant's needs allow the child to develop a sense of security. The infant knows that the caregiver is dependable, which creates a secure base for the child to then explore the world. But what if that caregiver was cold, unavailable, or abusive?

There are 4 main types of attachment: -secure. -anxious-preoccupied -dismissive-avoidant and -fearful-avoidant.

These attachment types have been identified in adults! Where did adults learn these attachment styles? In infancy and early childhood is the answer. Our earliest attachment styles stay with us forever and are seen in every one of our relationships.

Adult Attachment Styles:

· Secure: Low on avoidance, low on anxiety. Comfortable with intimacy; not worried about rejection or preoccupied with the relationship. “It is easy for me to get close to others, and I am comfortable depending on them and having them depend on me. I don’t worry about being abandoned or about someone getting too close to me.”

· Avoidant: High on avoidance, low on anxiety. Uncomfortable with closeness and primarily values independence and freedom; not worried about partner’s availability. “I am uncomfortable being close to others. I find it difficult to trust and depend on others and prefer that others do not depend on me. It is very important that I feel independent and self-sufficient. My partner wants me to be more intimate than I am comfortable being.”

· Anxious: Low on avoidance, high on anxiety. Crave closeness and intimacy, very insecure about the relationship. “I want to be extremely emotionally close (merge) with others, but others are reluctant to get as close as I would like. I often worry that my partner doesn’t love or value me and will abandon me. My inordinate need for closeness scares people away.

· Anxious and Avoidant: High on avoidance, high on anxiety. Uncomfortable with intimacy, and worried about partner’s commitment and love. “I am uncomfortable getting close to others and find it difficult to trust and depend on them. I worry I will be hurt if I get close to my partner.”

The good news is we can learn to change our attachment style, especially in our most important relationships!

If you already see a counselor and this is something that piques your interest, ask them if they know about Emotionally Focused Therapy! Alternatively, there is a ton of information and examples of this therapy on YouTube.